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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have to do the one thing I said I would never do. I have to put my father in a home. His dementia has progressed to the point I can no longer do this alone. he needs 24/7 care and monitoring. Last night he took a fall on the back patio, apparently while urinating in the yard. Thankfully no injuries beyond a couple of abrasions and a sprained wrist. But I can't watch him every second of the day. I'm afraid to run to the store. I'm afraid to go to sleep. The stress is literally killing me. My hair and teeth are falling out of my head. If something doesn't change, we're both gonna die. So, I have to put him in a home. Best for me and for him. So why do I feel like the most useless piece of shit? As an athiest I can't believe I'm saying this, but please pray for us. We need all the help we can get.
 

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You're doing the right thing. Taking care of your dad doesn't mean doing it all yourself. It sucks to have to do it, but you're a good son for doing it. I'll definitely be praying for you guys.
 

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Prayers
 
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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thank you guys. It means the world to me. Hard to stay hydrated in this heat. Harder when all your fluids just come leaking out of your eyes.
 

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Sorry to hear this Lihpster. I'll be praying for you and your pops. I have such a crappy memory now, literally... That I worry a lot about having dementia or Alzheimer's when I'm older. I sure hope that my kids put me in a place like that so that I'm not having them go thru what you are going thru. I'm sure your father would want the same. You aren't a bad son for doing it. It's just too much for a single person to handle. Sometimes you have to let go of control to take control. Prayers for peace abs comfort your way...
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
You've done all you can for him. I've been dealing with mom for 3 years. Although we don't live together it isn't easy.
Thank you. It's never easy seeing your heroes deteriorate. It's even worse if you have to take care of them. Love isn't easy. Love is anything but easy. But it's the best thing in the world. Respect for the love you show your mother, sir.
 

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Sending supporting prayers for you and father..
 
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I just got a call from Mom and she sounded real weak and wondered where I was. I'm at work and I told her yesterday I'd be working but she forgot. I asked her if she took her medicine and she said no and I said well you should probably take that and then hopefully you'll feel better. She just doesn't understand when she feels bad that chances are she probably forgot to take her medicine.
It's sad
 

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My dad is in progressive stage dementia. He came to visit this weekend and couldn't remember why he was here and kept asking where his tractor was (I live on a farm like his, but he was confused about this not being home). It sucks to watch the rock of my life slip into helplessness like this.
 
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Little things can get blown out of proportion.
I got back from the Yankee Rally. I asked her if Maria took her to get her hair done last Thursday. She said no and doesn't understand why Maria didn't take her. She also said Maria was going to be away this Thursday so she won't be going then either. I'm working tomorrow night and called the hairdresser to get her in tomorrow. When I talked to Dawn I asked if mom was there last Thursday. She said yes and Maria already knows to take her this Thursday as well but can't on the 16th because that's when she's going on vacation. Wasted time on my part again trying to acommadate.

Went yesterday morning and she said she got a new phone from my daughter. Turns out it was free from ATT to switch from 3G to 5G. Had to go to the ATT store to get it changed. Between that and other things 4 hours went by. I wrote down how to use the phone and had to go show her again last night. She thought neither phone worked the other being the home phone. She went to the neighbor to have her call me to come over in 100 degree heat. The neighbor walked her back home. I checked and everything worked. This morning she called me a s I said earlier but when I went after work she was sitting there puzzled with the operating instructions alongside her home phone. She said there was no green and red button on that phone and what phone did it go to. I found her cellphone and explained it was for that. I hate to tell her these things because I know it upsets and depresses her. She was so smart and thorough. I explained maybe it would be good for someone to check in on her but she always refuses outside help.
 

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Prayers being sent your way.
Life has a way of forcing us to made very tough and painful decisions at times.
Having to make the decision to put your father in a home does not make you a bad person or son. It means you love him enough to make that very difficult and painful decision because you realize he needs 24/7 care that unfortunately you do not have the ability to provide.
I commend you for putting your father’s health and safety first, it’s speaks volumes about your character and integrity.
 

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I sympathize with all of you. My father's memory is still pretty good, lives alone, and can still walk. He could, but won't even feed himself. I have to be here for every meal. I'm an only child, so it all falls on me. My wife is a mental wreck and can't "handle" anything. She falls apart if I have her take him to a doctor's appointment and cries for hours. I took today off work today to take him myself. He quit driving last year. Every day/week is the same for me. Not able to go out of town for more than 3 or 4 hours.

I hope you all get some relief soon.
 

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I have to do the one thing I said I would never do. I have to put my father in a home. His dementia has progressed to the point I can no longer do this alone. he needs 24/7 care and monitoring. Last night he took a fall on the back patio, apparently while urinating in the yard. Thankfully no injuries beyond a couple of abrasions and a sprained wrist. But I can't watch him every second of the day. I'm afraid to run to the store. I'm afraid to go to sleep. The stress is literally killing me. My hair and teeth are falling out of my head. If something doesn't change, we're both gonna die. So, I have to put him in a home. Best for me and for him. So why do I feel like the most useless piece of shit? As an athiest I can't believe I'm saying this, but please pray for us. We need all the help we can get.
You are a good son for doing it...You know your limitations and you have reached them...At some point, people with dementia requires 24/7 help and if loved ones are not millionaires, cant afford to hire 24/7 help....My mom is close to this point. She is 81 years old, had a minor stroke week before xmas2020, after 3 months in rehab, she was able to go back to her apartment but she forgets things now, like my phone number (had the same phone # for 20 years), my birthday (I am her oldest), forgets she called me 30 minutes after she called....I already know which 'home' to place her (the one she liked for rehab of knee, then pancreatitis back in 2018)...My younger brothers understand but don't like the situation...I will be retiring soon and moving out of state (Florida-wife is already living in Florida and just waiting for me to retire); so my younger brothers will have to take up some slack...
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Talked to a lawyer today. Apparently, when you do a conservator/guardianship, at least here, you need a bond to cover if you steal all the money and run off. The catch is you need good credit. I have no credit score. I live within my means and pay cash. Given that, the lawyer said "it'll be a stretch" to get me appointed. So, apparently, being financially responsible means I'm not financially responsible. Also, he said that I wouldn't be able to stay in the house and that we would have to sell it. So, if I do the right thing for my father, I am homeless. Given that I'm in the will, if I wanted all his stuff, I could just let him die. Of course, if I did that, I would probably kill myself before probate was over. FML.
 

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Oh, man! I'm so sorry. Banks can do some sort of manual credit calculation for people like you. Any chance that's possible here?
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
Oh, man! I'm so sorry. Banks can do some sort of manual credit calculation for people like you. Any chance that's possible here?
Whiskey, I've never had a credit card, I've taken out 3 loans in my life and the last one was in 2003 when I bought my bike. Bank tells me that's too long ago to count. So, I show up as never having credit. Zero score. Poor risk. I have no job, no money, no large assets. All I have is love for my father and wanting the best care for him. But apparently that's not good enough.
 

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Sorry, brother. Not sure if there's someone else who might be able to help.
 
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